That's a big fat. . Maybe

But probably, hopefully, a Yes.

My husband has been looking for a new job since mid-July. Lots and lots of applications, interviews and possibilities have come down to no job, yet.

He got a temporary/part time job working for one of his previous employers. It came to light, as he was working there, that they would be looking for a new company to contract out their driving to. Lester was the first one they thought of. They insisted that he draw up a business plan and think about bidding for the contract. We crunched some numbers and figured out that it'd be a great opportunity. So while we are knee deep in paper work, estimates, researching insurance companies, gas expenses, writing up client contracts, rules and on and on. The start date, should we get the bid, is January 2009.

Then, a letter comes in the mail.

One of the places he applied for in July, has finalized their employment selection and my husband is on the list. They want him to finish all the tests they require. It is looking promising that he may be offered this job, to start in January.

We don't want to stop the bidding process because the other job is not guaranteed and we don't want to stop the testing because the contract is not guaranteed. But considering the amount of work and time that has gone into both jobs, once we go ahead in both processes there isn't any turning back. On either job.

The contract job offers some flexibility, SOME (as the owner you always work the most). But no insurance benefits. The second job offers benefits, but has a pretty set schedule (probably 4/10's and alternate weekends).

We've decided that if offered both, we'll take it. And I will be the primary worker for the contract work. That is a scary proposition for 3 reasons. 1. It's a big BIG responsibility. 2. The hours will require the boys be in day care for 6 hours a day, possibly less depending on the structured job schedule. 3. Stress. It's a huge responsibility and my stress management skills are almost zero.

I've always wanted to be a stay home mom. Always. But I was also raised by a mom who worked days, I was completely fine as a latch key kid and I wouldn't change any of that. At all. But still, the thought of finding someone to watch them so early in the morning (I'd leave to pick up clients at 6:30-7 am) and be done around 10 and then have to go again around 3pm and be finished by 5pm. Plus, I would be in charge of the paper work, scheduling, routes and management type stuff, which is why I'd have to add in another hour or so at the end of both driving shifts.

When would I do all the house stuff? Laundry? Cooking? Coupon shopping? and really am I unreasonable to think I need some down time? Are scrapbooking, jewelry making and friends going to go by the wayside? And exercise? Seriously I'll go stir crazy nuts without some exercise.

Then again all this worrying could be for nothing. What if they both say no and we are still without a permanent job?

While the possibilities of two yes's is scary, the possibility of two no's is scarier.