If you knew your life was to change, drastically, in exactly 3 months time, what would you do with the time in your life as you know it?
I've been thinking a lot about changes. A whole LOT.
I'm always nervous to share what I learned during conference, because I sincerely believe that I hear most, that which I need to learn. I've shared many a thought on talks only to have the person I'm speaking to say, "I don't recall hearing that". Having said that, I found that there were a lot of talks on change, trial and strength in the face of adversity and ways to find peace amidst it all.
There have been times in my life when I've thought, I will look back on this hour/day/month/year and think, "wow! I survived and look at what I learned from it". But in reality, most times I look back and think, "that wasn't that bad". Part of it, I believe, is that my worrying made it more difficult. But the bigger part, I believe, is that through the struggling I grew. The me that looks back on the trial is stronger than the me, facing the trial. I wouldn't be the same person if I hadn't grown through the trial.
I am in the middle of a trial and changing period. Part of me is looking back at what I've come through and is cheering. Another part of me is looking ahead at what is still before me and straining to see an end. Is there an end??
I believe there is an end in sight, but it is also the beginning point of something new. Something I'm feeling a little afraid of. I'm not quite sure how or what I need to learn between here and there. Part of me wants to spend the next 3 months pretending I don't know what is coming. Part of me wants to start adjusting to my new reality. Part of me wishes I could go back to the way things were before, but realizes that while it seemed nice then, "The best is yet to be".
I have a heck of a To-Do list. Things I may not have time for in the near future. Things I've put off for tomorrow, only to realize tomorrow is already full. I've been reading Elder Perry's talk on Simplicity. Simplifying takes work, but oh what stress it relieves.
My life isn't where I imagined it would be a year ago and a year from now I can only try to imagine where it may end up. I only wish I could know where that is, will it be more of the same? (as in the past 12 months) something more secure? Please let it be more secure. Please tell me that I'll be strong enough to get through. Please tell me I'll be glad I did it.
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2 comments:
Shortly after conference, we were hit with a big whammy of change, so I think I know what you are talking about.
But man, oh, man, I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to what was happening in three months for you! And I hope the worries can fall away in the meantime. Just the fact that you are aware of it all means you're on the right track, you know. :)
I'm going to respond to your email soon.
And I LOVED Elder Perry's talk -- thanks for keeping things going at Scripture Sisters. Loving you and thinking of you.
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