I LOVE my Friends

I really do. They bring me great joy and laughter. They teach me new things and often become a sounding board for my random blatherings. I have great friends.

And yet I struggle with my friendships. I can be that 'flaky friend' when I'm depressed and hiding from the world. I can be the 'needy friend' when I'm struggling to pull myself out of a dark place. I can be that annoying friend who won't stop leaving you messages even when you don't want to talk. I can also be the friend that surprises you with a treat, just because it's Tuesday. I can be the friend that calls and offers something to do just when you thought no one noticed you were missing.

I think my biggest struggle is with knowing when to let go. Is there such a time? When the friendship has served it's purpose and the only place it lives is in the memories and the way they helped you grow? Is there a time when calling doesn't help, only hurts what would be a memory of a great friend? I think for me the answer has always been no. And that has had heartbreaking results at times. Maybe the answer needs to be sometimes and for some situations, yes. I've always loved this poem.

Footprints on the Heart 
 By Flavia

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding
with the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts
And we are never, ever the same. 

I take comfort in knowing that the full effects of friendships are not limited to this life alone. At the same time it makes the circumstances of recently lost friendships so much more heartbreaking. I wish I could know now the answers to my questions. The things I would ask my friends (I am still their friend, it is no longer returned from their end) would relieve my heart of so much. Or maybe it wouldn't. I just have to trust the answers I've received from the one person who knows more than any of us.

I thought when I got married the hurt of 'breaking up' would be over. But being dumped by a great friend hurts so much more than being dumped by some dumb guy.